Welcome to the July 19, 2004 Issue of The Mindful Parent Newsletter. What's New Site Search: The Mindful Parent is pleased to announce that a search box has been added to themindfulparent.org website. Now it is easier than ever to search for mindful parenting verses or "The Morning Cup" columns. A "Site Search" button has been added to the left hand column of the home page. The search page can also be found by clicking here. Free Mindful Parenting CD: The Mindful Parent expects to release the "Mindful Parenting Meditations CD" this month. This CD contains three mindful parenting meditations and is presently being offered free for those interested in further expanding their mindful parenting practice. If you would like to receive a free CD, please provide your name and address on the CD Request Form. Also, for those who have previously requested a CD, many thanks for your patience.

Mommy, Daddy -- Can You Spare Two Minutes? The practice of mindful parenting pours awareness into the moment, for it is through such awareness that we open to and expand our connection to our children. In the June 1, 2004 Mindful Parent Newsletter, I commented on the transformation of blissful states (e.g., joyfully observing one's young child asleep in bed) into thinking states (e.g., pondering how joyful it is to be observing one's child asleep in bed) and suggested ways to regain the blissful state. Implicit, of course, was the assumption that the blissful state was preferable to the thinking state. The heart of the suggested solution was to return to the body in an effort to still the thinking part of the mind. The June 1st Newsletter can be read by clicking here. I received an interesting comment from Laura R., a newsletter reader in New York, who politely challenged the necessity of stilling the mind in order to achieve bliss. Laura suggested that the state of mindful bliss is not one involving no thought -- but rather is one in balance. She pointed out that the left brain keeps one "thinking" about what is happening while the right brain jumps into the moment, and when the two are in harmony, joy and bliss emerge. This is a wonderful comment. We all want to maximize our happiness and sense of well-being while remaining a loving and capable parent and productive member of society. So, the idea of balance is a very compelling one. Needless to say, Laura, you have given me something to "think" about. Still and All . . . . A great many spiritual traditions, however, look to the state of "no mind," or stillness, or transcendence, or prayer, (and a host of other terms) as a place where deep connections are made and joy emerges. Whatever this place is, it is one that, in some manner, releases a hold on moment to moment distractions. That brings us to the topic for this edition of the newsletter: "Letting go: Mommy, Daddy, Can You Spare Two Minutes." If asked whether one would sacrifice their life for their child's, most parents would immediately answer "yes." They would answer without giving the matter any thought. You probably would too. Once you began to think about it, you would start to assemble your reasons for doing so, but you wouldn't need to engage in this thinking to answer the question -- you would just know it. More to the point, were you to find yourself in an emergency situation where you had to act immediately and sacrifice yourself to save your child, you would probably do so without hesitation. Again, the wherewithal to act comes from a place deep inside that precedes or transcends thought. In fact, the ego probably would have a hard time accepting the decision. So, it appears that we parents are all terribly willing to end our lives on this Earth to save our children! How ironic then that when our child needs us to stop what we're doing and give them our full attention (at least 3/4 of it), we do so reluctantly, if at all. How many times have you been with your child, your thoughts on some future project or past event, and you experience difficulty letting go when your child wants to talk? Before long, the difficulty turns to frustration and everyone loses. But, if at that moment, your child's life were on the line, you would readily give it all up -- the project, the past, the future, your life on this Earth! Hmmm. Let's see if we've got this right: You would give up the rest of your life without giving it a thought (literally), but you have difficulty giving up two minutes to be mindfully present with your child. By the way, your child knows the difference between your being present with them and your mind being elsewhere. You may not be aware of the difference and you certainly may not be aware that your child can tell the difference, but the non-verbal cues, the all too appropriate "uh huhs" and nods, and the inability to answer the question "what did I just say to you?" leave a more significant imprint on your child than you may appreciate. Of course, none of this is ill-intended. We love our children deeply. But like a dog on a scent, when our thoughts are swirling around some past or future concern, our thinking minds tenaciously hold on. We just can't let go. Our child's loving question or desire to spend time with us is regarded as an interruption, and it is painful to turn away from our precious thoughts. One answer is, of course, to enter into a state of mindful parenting. And all it takes is two minutes. Two minutes is all the time that is needed to put a thought aside and connect with your child. In about two minutes, with mindfulness applied to the moment, the swirling energy of the "thought" tugging you away from your child subsides. No doubt, breaking away for that first minute is more difficult than a rocket ship pulling out of the Earth's orbit. But once it does . . . . Now, you may be wondering, why is it so difficult. The reason is because you can't convince your "thinking mind" to stop thinking. And mindful parenting involves moving into stillness, into no thought. The following verse helps to let go of the thought. I let go of the thought And it drops to my feet. Going nowhere. The fact that the thought is going nowhere is key. We often become so absorbed in a thought that someplace deep inside us believes that if we stop thinking the thought, even for a split second, we will lose it forever. But, of course, as the verse suggests, the thought is going nowhere. Take a deep breath. Release your thought (sensing it float, like a feather, to the ground) and look deeply into your child. Allow yourself two minutes to open your awareness to the deep love you feel for this marvelous child. Continue to breathe deeply. Soften your gaze and feel the love billowing out of you. Wake up! and really appreciate your child's presence for the extraordinary gift that it is. By this time, your rocket ship is floating free in outer space. When the time comes (and it will come all too soon) you will be back on Earth, project or event in mind again, and the thought alive and well, ready to pounce. Until next time. Scott Rogers Editor, The Mindful Parent Newsletter http://TheMindfulParent.org

Thanks to Steve T. for his recent contribution of a mindful parenting verse and extraordinarily beautiful photo. Steve's verse, marked with the "new" graphic, can be found by clicking here and here.

If you would like to contribute a mindful parenting verse, please visit the website to learn how to make a submission.

Each morning The Mindful Parent publishes "The Morning Cup," a column that provides mindful parenting tips for the day. You can read this column by visiting http://TheMindfulParent.org. You may also sign up to receive an e-mail each morning containing "The Morning Cup" tip of the day.

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