Welcome to the October 15, 2006 Issue If this e-mail is difficult to read, copy the link that appears at the end of this sentence and paste it into your Internet browser. http://themindfulparent.org/newsletter.html What's New: Recent and Upcoming Speaking Engagements Holistic Mom's Network: Miami Chapter Scott Rogers will be speaking on Mindful Parenting to the Miami Chapter of the Holistic Mom's Network on October 21, 2006 between 2:00 and 4:00. You can learn more about the Miami Chapter of the Holistic Mom's Network by visiting its website. Miami Book Fair: Downtown Miami Scott Rogers has been invited to participate at the Miami Book Fair which will take place during the week of November 12-19 at the Miami Dade College Wolfson Campus. On November 19th at 1:30 pm, Scott will discuss his book Mindful Parenting: Meditations, Verses & Visualizations for a More Joyful Life and answer questions. The event will be followed by a book signing. More information can be found in the upcoming events section of The Mindful Parent website or by visiting the Miami Book Fair website. Books & Books: Coral Gables On July 7, 2006, Scott Rogers spoke about Mindful Parenting at a book reading held at Books & Books in Coral Gables, Florida. You can read reviews of Mindful Parenting and can purchase Mindful Parenting at Amazon.com.

Embracing Distractions: Moving into the Fire of Transformation We live in a world that offers us unlimited wonders to explore. It is also a world filled with countless distractions that steer us away from living life fully. It can be difficult to distinguish between those activities that serve as distractions and those that we pursue for their intrinsic value. One way to tell the difference is by trying to resist the distraction. In so doing, we approach the fire which is the source of our avoidance. And while moving toward the fire may prove difficult at first (sometimes perhaps impossible), staying with it for even a few minutes can begin to transform us. Seeing Into the True Nature of Distraction When we begin to feel discomfort -- the flicker of those telling flames -- our radar scans for the nearest distraction. If it is not close at hand, we might feel uncomfortable. Our behavior changes, we become grumpy, selfish, short tempered, and even just plain mean. We can see it afterward (sometimes) but might not detect it as it approaches and becomes us. One way we deal with discomfort, is distracting ourselves from it. This is where we humans reign most brilliant. Our capacity to create distractions is awesome – television, books, alcohol, drugs, computers, vacations, radio, exercise, food, books on tape, sex, meditation, music – the list is endless. Our capacity to shift from a state of discomfort to one of distraction can be seamless, justifiable, and all too effective. Because many distractions masquerade as innocuous and even socially desirable behaviors, it is not easy to recognize when we deploy a distraction to lull us out of an uncomfortable state, especially when we are not in touch with the discomfort. Finding the Fire We begin to gain insight into discomfort by looking to those times we distract ourselves -- When we mindlessly open the refrigerator door. When we plop down in front of the television. When we sequester ourselves with a book. When we pour a drink and anticipate the relief that will follow. When we keep eating even though we are full. When we say, “I must exercise?” or “I must meditate.” When we sleep after having already slept a great deal. When this happens, we might be distracting ourselves from what is taking place deep within, trying to bubble up to the surface. Perhaps it has to do with an anticipated exchange with a partner, an unpleasant experience we’d like to forget, an upcoming event, a seemingly benign encounter with our child which calls on a skill-set we never learned. Often it is a reaction to what we are doing or thinking about just prior to the onset of the distraction. A touchstone for whether a particular distraction is, in fact, a devise for escaping the moment, is whether we turn to it in excess – too much eating, too much television, too many vacations – and how easily we can let go of it. The key is that small voice inside ourselves that tells us that we should stop with the distraction and get back to our lives. More often than not, we push the thought out of our mind, naively accept that we just don’t have enough willpower, or deny that it is even a distraction. Moving into the Fire The poet Rumi commented metaphorically that before we awaken (spiritually) we turn away from fire and move toward water, but after we begin to awaken, we are more inclined to move into the fire where we feel the cooling quality of the water. The next time you find yourself turning to a distraction, take a deep breath and ask whether it might be an attempt to avoid something that is arising inside of you in the present moment. If you intuit this, shift your perspective and see the distraction for what it is – a sign of fire. And see the fire for what it is, an opportunity to feel the cooling quality of the water that is our connection to something deeper than ourselves. Sensing the Fire Instead of reaching for that extra piece of pizza or flipping the remote to find another television show, wake up to the moment and move toward the fire. You cannot know this fire with your thinking mind, but it is there, burning with an intensity that frightens you. Test whether you can let go of the distraction. If not, ask yourself whether the pizza will satisfy genuine hunger or whether you really need to watch the television show. If not, awaken to the real life consequences of the distraction (avoiding something or someone), and contemplate the countless hours of your life it has absorbed. And then, without being harsh on yourself, consider what you have been deprived of experiencing. The moment is upon you to open your eyes and heart wider than you have before, and trust yourself to move toward the fire. Feel the Fire’s Warmth When you begin to relate to the fire, when you begin to feel its warmth, you will find that it does not burn indiscriminately. That part of us which can be burned away, is the very part of us that causes us to suffer. The being that walks into the fire, emerges able to feel the cooling quality of the water as never before. Move into the Fire By Slowing Down Breaking a lifelong pattern is never easy, but offers rich rewards. To help bring this about, when you realize you are reaching for a distraction begin slowing down. If, for example, your hand is reaching for the remote control or the pizza, slow down the movement -- literally. Bring awareness to your hand or your arm as it reaches for the object of distraction. As you observe yourself moving in slow motion, tell yourself “I’m safe." And "everything is okay.” Part of you at this moment is not feeling safe, and the words will be soothing. Reach out lovingly and hold or embrace your hand or arm with your other hand. Hello Boredom Soon enough you may become bored. Rather than react to the boredom by finding something else to do, appreciate that your thinking mind has moved into a restless state while your deeper self is being cleansed by the fire. Try not to let your thinking mind persuade you that you should be doing something else. At least not for the next several minutes. As you continue to slow down, or move into stillness, turn your awareness to your body. Explore what part of you is restless or uncomfortable -- your arms, your feet, your eyes. Is there a lump in your throat? Are your shoulders hunched? Is your breathing shallow or might there be a subtle constriction in your chest? Try to maintain awareness on your body, scanning it without judgment. When your attention lands on a part of your body, let it rest there in silence. Breathe deeply and again reassure yourself. “It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” By doing this, you are telling that part of yourself that you are not in touch with that the fire is safe. Its terrifying aspect is an illusion. But within the illusion is part of you that is suffering. Soften your gaze and see what emerges – a memory, a feeling, a word. Sit with it and explore what it might mean. When might you have felt this way before? Breathe deeply as you continue to turn inward. A Mindful Parenting Verse to Sustain You While Moving Slow One of the most difficult parts of this exercise is to slow down for more than a few seconds. You will experience your ego’s clever tactics geared, in desperation, to have you do anything but slow down or move into stillness, let alone scan your body and allow the truth within the moment to emerge. This is because you will never convince your ego that the fire is not real. The following verse will be helpful to you anytime during this exercise. You can use it at the very beginning when you first catch yourself moving into distraction. This is a pivotal moment when many flee successfully. Farther along the technique, you can recite the verse when you find yourself slowing down, but your thinking mind throws compelling thoughts at you. You can also turn to the verse when you find yourself longing to jump back into distraction. I move into the fire With the same joy My child feels Playing on a sunny day As you recite this verse, bring to mind your beautiful child soaking in sun. The sun, after all, is the hottest fire we know, the source of life and renewal. Visualize the sun’s energy streaming down, warming your child’s body, sustaining your child’s life. Look at your hands, or the part of your body to which your awareness turned, and feel the penetrating warmth. Sunlight streams 93 million miles, though the vastness of our universe, to reach your child. The trip takes eight minutes. Allow yourself to slow down or move into stillness for these same eight minutes (or as long as you can), so that the fire you have been avoiding can envelop you, teach you, and help make you whole.

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