Welcome to the March 22, 2005 Issue of The Mindful Parent Newsletter. What's New: Mindful Parent Meditations and South Florida Parenting Journal The January 2005 edition of South Florida Parenting devoted much of the issue to "Mind, Body & Spirit." A wonderful article "Calm your spirit," dealing with how meditation can make one a better parent, quotes from The Mindful Parent founder, Scott Rogers, and discusses mindful parenting meditations.

Breath Work And Mindful Parenting: Using Your Hands To Breathe Deeply and Expand Your Connection With Your Child. Many spiritual traditions place great importance on the breath. And many people who look for calm in their lives, who meditate, and who live mindfully, return from their diverse and fascinating journeys of self exploration and personal growth to the central role of the breath. For those of you familiar with "The Morning Cup" column, you know that awareness of the breath factors prominently in the practice of mindful parenting. Some of these columns are linked to at the end of this newsletter. The challenge of breath work as a meditative practice is to maintain awareness on the magical rhythm of one's breathing. If you have ever tried it, you probably have experienced some difficulty due to the many distractions that fill our minds. If you haven't experienced this, then try it and see what happens. Close your eyes or soften your gaze and sit comfortably. Inhale fully. Then quietly mouth "one" as you exhale fully. Then, inhale again. As you exhale, mouth "two." With all your attention devoted to this simple task, see if you can work your way to 10 and then stop without first veering off on some tangent. For most of us, there is much veering. Or, before you know it, you find yourself up to 24 and still going. An Introduction To Mindful Parenting Breath Work This newsletter will focus on a powerful mindful parenting breathing technique that incorporates the hands. Use of the hands serves two purposes: First, by combining the breath with the hands, the exercise can be cued much more often -- both when one becomes aware of one's breathing or senses one's hands. And second, increased awareness of the hands is grounding as it draws energy away from the often distracted mind. This technique will (1) help bring you to a more mindful place anytime you wish, (2) can be done anywhere, (3) requires no special equipment, (4) will help diminish the mental chatter, and (5) will deepen your connection with your child. And, because the technique is so simple, you will be on your way to mastering it before you finish reading this newsletter. Images are provided to clarify hand positions that help guide the practice. This newsletter is divided into two sections. First you will learn the basics of the hand movements. Once you get them down, you will then learn to coordinate an ancient breathing technique with the hand movement. Lastly, note that this exercise embraces the notion of "impermanence," which, with regard to positions five (5) and six (6), may be emotionally difficult for some. It is not necessary for the practice of mindful parenting that these two steps be included. They are, however, included to highlight the presence of "impermanence" in our lives as such awareness can enliven our sense of compassion for all beings and deepen our ability to be present in the here and now. The Basics: It's All In The Hands First, you will want to pick a hand. To maximize your ability to quickly incorporate the motor skills and movements involved, use your dominant hand. In practice, however, you may alternate hands or use both at the same time. Steps One and Two: Nothingness and Conception Start by squeezing you hand in a tight ball. As you squeeze out the air and eliminate the space, sense the stillness and quietude. Then, slowly release your grip and touch together your index (middle) finger and thumb so that an "O" is formed. View Image Allow the other fingers to naturally follow the curve. In the Buddhist tradition, mudras are hand positions that invoke inner states of experience and energy. Many other spiritual traditions invoke hand positions. This particular posture is known as the "Aakaash" mudra and is associated with space. Look at your hand and the "O" and sense the vast spaciousness of the cosmos. In this exercise, your thumb symbolizes the mother's egg (ovum) and the middle finger symbolizes the father's sperm. Their touching represents the moment of your child's conception. Breathe deeply and sense this magnificent moment. Steps Three and Four: Childhood and Adulthood Continue to open your hand, moving your thumb downward and lifting the fingers, but keeping the fingers curved as long as you can. As your fingers slowly open and eventually straighten (so that you hand forms an "L,") View Image, you sense in your mind's eye your child crawling and then standing upright, as an adult. At some point during this hand movement, you may pass through your child's current age. When your hand is fully extended in the "L" position, visualize your child as an adult. Step Five: Adulthood and Aging For those of you just starting the practice of mindful parenting, or for those of you who find the following emotionally difficult, you may want to skip over the next two hand movements and proceed to Step 7. However, the next two sections are very heart opening. Keeping your thumb extended, slowly curve your fingers back down, stopping about halfway so that a "C" is formed with your hand. View Image This movement represents your child's aging, the curve symbolizing your child's stooping spine as he or she grows into old age. Step Six: Aging And Death As with the previous position, some of you may want to proceed to Step 7. From the "C" position, slowly extend your fingers upward so that an "L" is reformed and then turn your hand over so that it fully extends, forming a 90 degree angle with your forearm. View Image This symbolizes the end of your child's life on this Earth. Steps Seven and Eight: Completing the Cycle Slowly, move your fingers and thumb toward each other, but this time do not stop and form an "O." Instead, continue closing your grip and form a fist. Squeeze. View Image Then, release the grip but keep your fist intact. Breathe deeply and slowly bring your hand back into the starting "O" position.View Image Congratulations, you have just learned all of the steps to the hand movement. Repeat these steps several times so that you become comfortable with the process. When you have done so, you are ready to coordinate these movements with your breathing. Incorporating Breath Work Relating the breath and life cycles, we could say that we spend the first half of our lives inhaling and the latter half exhaling. The integration of breath work into the above described hand movements/life stages follows this premise. There is a powerful breathing technique with roots in the pranayama tradition that has been found to facilitate a state of relaxation, lower blood pressure, and alleviate stress. I first learned about the technique at a phenomenal workshop led by Dennis Lewis in Big Sur, California. Andrew Weil recommends the breathing technique which involves the following simple breathing instruction. Inhale to the count of four (4) Hold the inhalation to the count of seven (7) Exhale to the count of eight (8) We incorporate this simple, yet powerful, technique into the hand movement as follows: Hand Setup: Steps 1 and 2 Prior to the breath work, grip your hand as illustrated in Step 1. Then slowly relax your grip as you open your palm and gently tap together your thumb and index finger. You are now ready to begin. Inhalation: Steps 3 and 4 Inhale as you slowly open the "O" formed by the thumb and middle finger. Count from one to four and you move from the "O" position to the "L" position. Holding Breath: Steps 5 and 6 If you skipped Steps 5 and 6, then maintain the "L" position and hold your breath as you count to seven. Retain in your mind's eye the image of your child as an adult. If you have included Steps 5 and 6, then hold your breath for the count of seven (7) as you flow from the "C" position to the "L" position, and continue rotating your palm until your hand lays palm up and outstretched flat, forming an upside "L" with your forearm. Exhalation: Steps 7 and 8 Having counted to seven, slowly exhale to an eight (8) count as you lift your palm, reform the "L", then the "C", bringing your hand back to the initial "O" position, and then tighten your grip. By this time, you should have just finished emptying your lungs, and be awaiting another inhalation. Putting It All Together The complete exercise takes a little practice, but you will find the fruits well worth it. It can be practiced at any time -- waiting at a traffic light, while on "hold," sitting in a business meeting, engaged in a challenging interpersonal interaction, while in the bath or shower, just before bed, and on and on. You can repeat the exercise several times, but because the breathing component is powerful, limit it to several repetitions. In the event you find the breathing difficult, especially the holding portion, feel free to modify it so that it is comfortable for you. The object is to breathe and to allow the hand movements to remind you to breathe. You may find it easier to simply inhale slowly from Step 1 through Step 3 (Standing Upright "L") and then exhale slowly through Step 8 (The Cycle Repeats). Also, if you want to share this technique, for those friends who may not have children, or if included as part of your broader meditative practice, you can engage the exercise and focus instead on yourself (or another) being conceived, growing, aging, passing away, and then starting over again. The full exercise raises thoughts of "impermanence" which is treated in many traditions as a way to expand and develop one's sense of compassion and expression lovingkindness. As a mindful parenting tool, this subtle yet powerful technique opens awareness to the presence of your child in your life (whether your child is miles away or sitting beside you) and deepens your connection to your child. At times you may want to sense your child holding your hand. The penetrating breath work helps to open wide your loving connection to your child as the imagery deepens your cosmic awareness of the extraordinary gift your child is in your life. Until next time, Scott Rogers Editor, The Mindful Parent Newsletter http://TheMindfulParent.org

Verse Submissions and The Morning Cup

A wonderful verse, Weaning Your Child, was submitted by Becky from Dallas, Texas. Thank you Becky for your contribution to The Mindful Parent community. We welcome and appreciate all verse submissions. If you would like to contribute a mindful parenting verse, please send us your submission.

Each morning The Mindful Parent publishes "The Morning Cup," a column that provides mindful parenting tips for the day. You can read this column by visiting http://TheMindfulParent.org. You may also sign up to receive an e-mail each morning containing "The Morning Cup" tip of the day.

More on Breathing

Dennis Lewis' work has played an important role in my practice for which I am very grateful. His recent book, "Free Your Breath, Free Your Life," was well received and discusses the 4-7-8 breathing technique. You can read more about his work at Authentic-Breathing.com

As mentioned above, the practice of mindful parenting, like the practice of mindfulness in general, focuses on the important role of the breath, and awareness of the breath. Some of the "Morning Cup" columns that focus on breathing are listed below.

Breathing Into Your Child
Breathe And Open Awareness To Your Child's Presence
Breathe With Your Child
Breathe In And Out With Your Child

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