Welcome to the March 26, 2008 Issue If this e-mail is difficult to read, copy the link that appears at the end of this sentence and paste it into your Internet browser. http://themindfulparent.org/newsletter.html What's New: Articles, Book Fairs and The Law Scott Rogers Interviewed for Two "Mindful Parenting" Articles Author, Amanda Morin, interviewed Scott Rogers for an article just published on Education.com. You can read her article Zen of Parenting Author, Eve Menezes Cunningham, interviewed Scott Rogers for an article just published in Healthy and Organic Living. You can read her article Stress-free home life? Scott Speaks at Miami Book Fair International Scott Rogers spoke at the Miami Book Fair International, discussing his book Mindful Parenting: Meditations, Verses & Visualizations for a More Joyful Life. You can purchase Mindful Parenting by clicking here. Expanding the IMS Mission: The Practice of Law The last several months have been filled with new developments at the Institute for Mindfulness Studies as we have developed a program called Jurisight, designed specifically for lawyers interested in developing a greater sense of balance and well-being while experiencing greater clarity of mind and optimizing their performance. You can learn more by visiting the Institute for Mindfulness Studies. You can support the Institute for Mindfulness Studies and introduce a lawyer to mindfulness by ordering the 8 CD Set for the workshop "Mindfulness Balance & The Lawyer's Brain" by clicking here. The course is approved for 10 Florida CLE credits. Let us know if you purchase a copy and we'll send you a free copy of "Mindful Parenting: Meditations, Verses & Visualizations for a More Joyful Life." If you are interested in the workshop recording but live outside of Florida and so cannot benefit from the CLE credits, contact us for a reduced rate. Memorial and Dedication This newsletter is dedicated to the beautiful memory of Susan Jane Rogers who passed away on February 17, 2008. Susan is my mother. She lived her life with presence and grace. While she is missed more than thoughts can comprehend, she remains a loving part of each and every moment of my life, and the lives of my wife, Pam, and our two daughters, Millie and Rose, who love her deeply, and whom she loved as only a grandmother and friend can.

Change and Memories of This Moment In today’s newsletter we’ll look deeply into our ever-changing world and see how our comfort with change touches on our willingness to be genuinely present as our child grows up (and our lives unfold). Everything Changes It is a fundamental truth that everything changes. Many spiritual teachings provide that much of our discomfort in life is due to the fact that everything changes and we are not in touch with this reality. As a result, when things change we can be thrown off balance and react out of one or more pained emotions. Not surprisingly, most of us do not wish to experience unpleasant events, and our brains do a pretty good job protecting us from them, or at least from confronting them head on. A subtle but powerful device that serves this purpose well is distraction, our ability to disconnect from what is arising in the present moment. When this happens, we are “out of reality.” And when we are out of reality, we miss the beauty and grace of life’s unfolding, taking place literally before our eyes. This might seem okay. After all, we are talking about unpleasant experiences, and who needs them? But sometimes the unpleasantness is not so much tied to the event, but to the fact that the event signals an unwanted change in our lives. And sometimes that change is related to our child’s growing up. The School Year: Flying By or Resonant Moments The school year in now in full swing. If you have school-age children, you have probably pondered the reality of your child advancing to another grade and in doing so noted the very familiar, "how quickly time passes." The passage of time takes on a more even flow when you are willing to point the light of mindfulness on the changes taking place in your child's life. Below, I'll share a mindful-parenting technique that you can use anytime to help shine this healing light. It may result in time passing at a more natural pace -- one which allow you to embrace and marvel in your child's non-stop growing up. Consider the changes to have taken place this school year. Approximately seven months have passed since the year began. During that time which of the following has happened: your child has grown taller, your child has learned to read, your child has made new friends, your child has gotten sick, your child has gotten well, your child has lost friends, your child has developed new habits, your child has gone of field trips, your child has been accepted to college or graduate school, your child's voice has changed, your child has stopped wanting to do certain things with you, your child's grades have gotten better -- or worse, your child has learned a new language, your child had taken on new responsibilities, your child has begun to express himself or herself differently, your child reads different kinds of books, your child talks to you differently, your child has begun using the computer, e-mail, or a cell phone, you spend more (or less) time with your child, your child has lost a grandparent or beloved family member, your child is more (or less) social, your child has begun to experience more complex emotions, your child is engaging in more creative and artistic expression (or less), your child stopped kissing you (or started), your child lost a tooth, has begun wearing braces, glasses or contact lenses . . . . . The list goes on. Take a moment and consider some of the changes involving your child that have taken place in the last seven months. As you do so, ponder whether these changes "just happened" or whether you experienced them with awareness as they were taking place -- ask yourself whether you were there for them or somehow distracted. These are big changes but can appear as subtle, almost imperceptible shifts if we are distracted from the present moment as they are happening --distracted from sacred passages in your child's precious life. When we are truly present, time passes at its natural pace -just like the middle-bear's porridge that is neither too hot nor too cold but just right. When we are distracted, time can pass “too” quickly or “too” slowly. The “too” is a matter of individual perception but often can signal some measure of regret or suffering. “My how time passes. It was only yesterday she was a child.” “What happened to the time?” “Where did my baby go?” The practice of mindfulness helps us to maintain a balanced state of being so that we can be more present for the moments of our lives -- So that we can be more “awake” -- So that we can live our lives more fully and offer it as a gift to our children and ourselves. And this is especially important because of the many ways, as Los Angeles based mindful-parenting instructor Deborah Groenig notes, "that our state of mind influences our child’s ever-changing mental states.” Mindful Parenting Verse and Technique Today I’ll share with you a mindful parenting verse and technique. The verse can be recited anytime you find yourself susceptible to distraction. The technique will offer an opportunity to learn a little bit about yourself from a past event during which you may not have been so present. Mindful Parenting Verse The verse is: This moment passes before my eyes How many blinks before it is gone? As you are participating in a cherished experience (or any event), ask yourself whether you are really “there” for it, or if pressing needs and other preoccupations are distracting you. Are you comfortable and grounded in your body, antsy and waiting for it to be over, or even paying attention at all? It may be that deep inside, you are resistant to the reality of what is unfolding, and the distraction soothes you. It’s easy when a tooth is lost to rush into the creative flow of crafting a letter to the tooth fairy. It’s easy when homework grades begin to drop to get angry or frustrated. It’s easy when the bedtime stories stop to somehow miss this turning point. Allow this verse to wake you up from old patterns. Each blink of the eyes marks the endless (relentless) passage of time. As you blink, feel the living pulse of the moment (feel eye lashes pressing into lids) and jump into the heart of what is taking place. Breathe deeply. Smile. Touch your hand to your chest and feel the beating of your heart. Experience the event fully, with acceptance and gratitude. Mindful Parenting Technique The following Mindful Parenting technique can be done just about anytime and takes a few minutes. It requires a piece of paper and a pen, pencil, or, preferably, a crayon. Ideally, you will be able to take a little time for yourself and sit quietly. Begin by bringing yourself into a state of relaxation and balance. Sit with your posture upright and feet squarely on the ground. Breathe deeply, slowly and fully – feeling your belly expand with each in-breath. Take a few moments and allow the breathing and stillness to help quiet your mind. Smile. When you are ready, close your eyes and bring to mind something your child used to do but has outgrown. Consider things that go back a bit in time. Pick something that you have not thought about since it stopped happening or have not considered in a while. Perhaps it is when your child drank out of a bottle or a "sippy" cup, when your child breast fed or slept in a bassinet or crib, when your child came to you for help with homework, took music lessons, participated in athletic events, when you walked your child all the way to the classroom, when you child would ask you to read a bedtime story, when your child would spend time with a family member who has since moved or passed away, when your child wanted to sleep in your bed at night, when your child would ask you for advice, when you would discipline your child, or when your child lived at home, or called home regularly. Write down what comes to mind. Read your words aloud. Take a breath. Write down how old your child was then and how old your child is now. Write down what year it was then and what year it is now. Write down how old you were then and how old you are now. Look at this expression of the passage of time. Where were you while it was passing? Take a few moments and recreate the event by drawing an image that reminds you of it. Stick figures are okay. Use colors. Keep it simple. As you do, bring the happening-of-it to your mind’s eye. Breathe deeply and allow the memory to rest easy. Opening to Change The objective of this exercise is not to reflect on the past with a sense of longing or regret. What we want to do is see with greater clarity where we were at the time. To inquire within whether we gave those moments our all. We want to look deeply at the feelings that surface and the thoughts that arise, and learn from them. From these insights, we can better glimpse who we are, and be more of an architect of where we are right now. At this very moment, change is taking place. We can experience the change as it happens, inhaling deeply with awareness that life is changing before our eyes. We can be more diligent looking into the feelings we feel as we participate, with awareness, in the beautiful happenings of our life. Years ago my daughter suggested that not everything changed. She said that “love” did not change. I wonder whether we occasionally allow the joyfulness, that emanates from the love we were born to feel, to dip into a murky place we call distraction? If you would like to learn more about mindfulness, parenting, and the force of distraction, click here and read the October 15th, 2006 Newsletter, “Embracing Distractions: Moving into the Fire of Transformation”.

A wonderful verse, Winter, was submitted by Kaveri Patel. Thank you Kaveri for your contribution to The Mindful Parent community. We welcome and appreciate all verse submissions. If you would like to contribute a mindful parenting verse, please send us your submission.

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